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BANG BANG BANG! That’s how Gold Strike 16 ended when Shotcaller was the victim of a drive-by shooting.
Tune into Gold Strike 17 where police report details are released, plus a Pure Gold Championship #1 Contender Match headlines the action.
Who will get the next shot at GPW’s highest honor!?
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Golden Pro Wrestling theme song “The Sound” by Switchfoot begins to play…
THIS!
IS!
GOLDEN!
PRO!
WRESTLING!
The camera fades into the FedExForum where thousands of fans have already filled into their seats on the floor, the entire lower and second levels, and the ENTIRE upper level!
The camera pans the arena and fans, providing shots of the ring, ramp, intro stage and Gold Screen.
The broadcast transitions to a two-shot of Golden Pro Wrestling’s announcer team.
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Rudy Mac: Welcome BACK to Golden Pro Wrestling! I’m Rudy Mac, your Memphis rasslin’ expert, and sitting next to me is a man with currently THREE small claims suits against him, DeShawn Brannon!
DeShawn: Hey hey hey!
Rudy Mac: DeShawn! I’m happy to let everyone know that Shotcaller SURVIVED the drive by shooting at the end of Gold Strike 16!
DeShawn: It’s a classic who-dunnit!
Rudy Mac: Indeed! In fact, I’ve gotten my hands on the police notes from their investigation.
DeShawn: Go on!
The intrepid, old wrestling announcer shuffles a few pieces of paper in front of himself and clears his throat.
Rudy Mac: Ahem. Victim was not cooperative. Persons of interest remain uncontacted.
DeShawn: … That’s it!?
Rudy Mac: Well, you gotta admit, Shotcaller is as gangster as they come, so of course he’s not going to talk to the po-po!
DeShawn: Rudy, we’ve worked together for a long time, but I NEVER thought I’d hear you use the term “po po.”
Rudy Mac: I’m just trying to stick with the theme here! Regardless, Shotcaller is alive and well, and is expected to be back in action for Golden Pro Wrestling sometime later this season.
DeShawn: What are we supposed to do until then!?
Rudy Mac: Sit back and enjoy the show, including a Pure Gold Championship #1 Contender Match with competitors to be announced shortly!
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The show transitions backstage to Commissioner Parker Meloche’s office, and the crowd back inside the main arena gives a small pop at the site of GPW’s head man.
A strong knock at the door pulls Parker’s attention away from the laptop computer in front of him.
Parker: Come in!
The door opens and Awoke enters into Parker’s office.
BOO!!!
Parker: Ah, welcome Awoke. What can I do you for?
The large, blue-haired wrestler puts his hands on his hips and makes a stern frown.
Awoke: We need to TALK.
The commission’s face becomes concerned.
Parker: Oh no! What’s going on, man?
Awoke: Ah! Don’t assume my gender!
Parker: Uh, Awoke, I processed your contract and reviewed your medical records. You’re a man.
The San Francisco SJW becomes visibly annoyed.
Awoke: This is exactly what I’m here to talk about! The absolutely TOXIC culture of cis hetero white men going around assuming everyone’s genders and not prioritizing the BIPOC and LGBTQ+ community!
Parker: I don’t follow, Awoke. Everyone gets a fair shake here at Golden Pro Wrestling; are there any specific examples you have regarding discrimination, because I’ll handle them immediately.
Awoke: When exactly was the last time a person of minority status had a chance to win the Pure Gold Championship, huh?
The commissioner sits back and thinks to himself.
Parker: Awoke, Shotcaller was in Fort Knocks, and he had a shot at the Pure Gold Championship. Not to mention that the current champion is Japanese.
The blue-haired giant laughs to himself.
Awoke: You are a silly, silly typical hetero cis white man. Don’t you know that Asians don’t count as an oppressed minority!
The GPW Commissioner produces a face full of surprise, and in the background the crowd inside the main arena can be heard gasping in surprise.
After a moment, Parker collects himself.
Parker: Okay, Awoke, you’re really starting to test my patience here with some of these comments. And, in fact, I was actually glad you were stopping by because I had some big news for you tonight.
Awoke: And what’s that?
Parker: I saw you lay down at Fort Knocks for Shotcaller, and I just didn’t think it was right because you have a pretty amazing in-ring presence and a ton of potential. For those reasons, I’m giving you a chance to become the number one contender for the Pure Gold Championship!
BOO!!!
Parker: Now, I know that won’t be a popular opinion, but I need to call things straight. You’re ready for this opportunity.
The big, blue-haired wrestler smiles smugly to himself, but then becomes concerned.
Awoke: I accept. And all that I ask is that you provide me an opponent with a minority status.
Parker: Well, that’s great, because I already did! In tonight’s main event, you’ll be going toe-to-sandaled toe with Big Buddha!
The crowd cheers wildly back inside the main arena at the announcement of tonight’s main event.
Awoke: Big Buddha!? I already told you that Asians don’t count! Bah!
The San Francisco SJW throws his big hands up and storms out, leaving Parker shaking his head in disbelief.
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The show returns to inside the main arena of the FedExForum.
Rudy Mac: Whoa! Big Buddha and Awoke for the Pure Gold Championship number one contender status!
DeShawn: TONIGHT!
The crowd’s attention is pulled to the entrance stage when “I Chase Paper” by Plies begins to play through speaker system. Golden Pro Wrestling’s accountant, Corbin Fiscal, jogs out and performatively places his hands on his hips.
Rudy Mac: Corbin may have lost against Jumpstart at Fort Knocks, but you just KNOW he wants to get another shot for the Silver Championship!
DeShawn: You can bet on it!
Once Corbin gets situated in the ring, the music transitions to “Bottom of a Bottle” by Smile Empty Soul. The crowd gives a loud cheer as Crosscheck Beck emerges in full hockey gear, still sporting the familiar jersey of Memphis’ local hockey team for which he used to play.
Rudy Mac: It looks like Crosscheck Beck is branching out from the Hardcore Division and trying to make himself a name for straight-up singles matches.
DeShawn: I hope not having a hockey stick won’t be a problem for him.
Crosscheck Beck climbs into the ring and gives Corbin Fiscal a respectful nod before the bell rings and the match begins.
The two evenly-sized wrestlers trade moves back and forth before Corbin plants Beck with a german suplex into a pin attempt.
1… 2… NO!!!
Rudy Mac: Crosscheck Beck needs to start throwing some pure wrestling moves of his own because he can’t use weapons this time!
The local hockey enforcer does exactly that when he drills Corbin Fiscal with an elbow, and then drops him with a major sidewalk slam.
1… 2… NO!!!
DeShawn: Don’t hurt Corbin too much, Beck! We need someone to cut the paychecks!
The action carries on with the two wrestlers swapping momentum at various intervals. Eventually Beck whips Corbin Fiscal off the ropes and jumps into a drop kick position.
CRASH!!!
Rudy Mac: Great job by Corbin Fiscal to hold onto the ropes and let Crosscheck Beck just fall down from the dropkick attempt!
Corbin quickly springs off the middle ropes and hits a surprise senton into mid-ring.
DeShawn: Whoa!
1… 2… … NO!!!
Rudy Mac: Unbelievable move and unbelievable kick out!
The two wrestlers get back to their feet and go at it some more. Corbin attempts but fails to get Beck into a reverse brainbuster.
DeShawn: I think he was going for the Cash Out!
Crosscheck Beck then instead grabs Corbin and launches into a jumping vertical suplex.
MAJOR PENALTY!!!
1… 2… … 3!!!
Rudy Mac: A healthy win for Crosscheck Beck’s first time in a singles match!
The fully dressed hockey player gets up and raises his arm triumphantly before leaning down and helping Corbin get to his feet. Corbin shakes his head in disappointment but still gives Beck a pat on the back in respect.
Winner:
Crosscheck Beck via Major Penalty
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The show moves on to a backstage locker room where Big Buddha is sitting in a meditation pose. The crowd cheers at the site of Golden Pro Wrestling’s most mindful wrestler.
Decade walks through the door into the shared locker room and sees Big Buddha, and the Tibetan monk remains peaceful with his eyes closed. Unsure of what to do, Decade decides to walk out and leave Big Buddha to his practice.
Suddenly, Big Buddha begins to speak with his eyes closed before Decade can leave the room.
Big Buddha: Mr. Decade, I have no qualm if you were to stay and prepare for your match tonight.
The handsome Canadian wrestler turns around in surprise that Big Buddha knew who it was that entered the locker room.
Decade: I apologize for my intrusion, but I thought I’d let you stay at peace.
The Tibetan monk opens his eyes and looks at Decade.
Big Buddha: It is no secret that you are haunted by something that simmers beneath the surface.
Decade: I…
Big Buddha: All individuals must battle not just what is on the outside, but what is also on the inside. And it is a battle from which you can emerge victorious.
Although Decade feels confronted by the split personality that he suffers from, he visibly relaxes for a moment.
Big Buddha: Please, stay and prepare for your match. I only hope that the emanation of my peace will help you find yours.
The Tibetan monk smiles and waves his hand toward an open bench. Decade smiles and walks over before setting his sports bag on the ground and taking a seat.
Decade: Thank you, Big Buddha. I hope it will.
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Gold Strike 17 switches back inside the main arena where the GPW fans buzz anxiously for the next part of the show. Suddenly, “Helicopter Mack” by Archnemesis hits the speaker system and the crowd gives a warm cheer.
The duo of Phaser and Ryan Rogue walk out with serious faces, obviously quite focused.
Rudy Mac: We have a rematch here for Golden Pro Wrestling tag team championship between Endgame and the current champions, the Wild Kards!
DeShawn: Endgame lost both of their matches in Season 3, so I hope they can figure it out for Season 4!
After Ryan Rogue takes his place mid-ring, the music switches to “Lit Up” by Buckcherry, and the GPW fans release a huge cheer for the current champions.
Seth and Sean Kard jog out from backstage and throw big W’s with their hands, prompting another round of excitement.
Rudy Mac: Despite their years apart, these two brothers have really come together and have successfully defended their belts TWICE already!
DeShawn: Age doesn’t matter! Just ask my geriatric girlfriends!
Rudy Mac: DeShawn! I hope you aren’t just leaching off them for their social security checks!
Sean Kard gets into the ring and immediately locks up with Ryan Rogue once the bell sounds. Ryan Rogue overpowers the smaller wrestler and drills him with a couple of shots to the head.
The elder Kard brother is obviously dazed, which gives Ryan the chance to plant him with a spinebuster. He then jumps up and hits a large splash into a cover attempt.
1… 2… NO!!!
Ryan Rogue shakes his head and tags in Phaser, so quickly gets to work with a variety of technical moves. After attempting a pumphandle slam, Sean Kard escapes and lands Phaser face-first into the mat with a bulldog.
Rudy Mac: Vintage Sean Kard out there!
Sean tags in Seth Kard who immediately climbs to the top rope and launches into his signature 360 leg drop.
SUICIDE KING-NO!!!
DeShawn: Maybe a little too early in the match for that move!
Seth Kard rolls round in pain from falling directly onto the mat, and Phaser gets to work by sitting Seth up and pulling his arms behind his back. After stretching Seth out for a moment, he knees Seth in the back of the head, and pulls him into his perfect camel clutch.
FINAL PHASE!!!
Rudy Mac: Looks like Seth might be on the verge of giving up!
The referee bends down and checks on Seth, loudly asking if the younger Kard brother wants to give up. Despite his head being held in both hands by Phaser, Seth somehow shakes it to decline the submission.
After an entire minute, Seth breaks loose of the camel clutch and rolls away. As Phaser gets up, Seth lunges forward and hits a perfect lariat that sends Phaser spinning.
Rudy Mac: Looks like the Wild Kards are back in business!
Both wrestlers tag in their teammates and Ryan Rogue nails Sean Kard with a big boot to the face. Sean rolls around on the ground clutching his head, and Ryan Rogue picks him up.
After placing Sean in a full-nelson position, he lifts him up for his DDT finisher.
ROGUE DDT-NO!!!
DeShawn: Another missed finisher!
Sean, now loose to his feet with Ryan Rogue on the mat, delivers a swift kick to the head toppling the larger Endgame wrestler over. The elder Kard brother grabs his legs and places him into a classic figure four leglock.
CRAZY EIGHT LEG LOCK!!!
Rudy Mac: Now it’s time to see if Endgame can withstand a submission!
Much like before, the referee checks in on Ryan Rogue’s status.
TA… TA… TA… TAP TAP TAP!!!
Rudy Mac: Submission win by the Wild Kards!
DeShawn: I would have tapped, too!
The Wild Kards meet in mid-ring and are handed back their tag team championship belts, which they raise above their head to the cheering fans. Phaser picks up the weary Ryan Rogue and exit the ring in frustrated fashion.
Winner and STILL Tag Team Champions:
The Wild Kards via Crazy Eight Leg Lock
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The show switches to the rooftop of the FedExForum, where the dark sky is illuminated by the city lights of Memphis. In the shadows, a man emerges carrying a Japanese bo with a magnificent golden belt around his waist.
Fuse Makoto.
The Pure Gold Champion.
A wild cheer is unleashed by the Golden Pro Wrestling fans back inside the main arena, which can be heard all the way through the rooftop. Fuse nods respectfully to the camera in acknowledgement to the diehard GPW crowd.
The camera focuses on Fuse’s face.
Fuse: Thank you, Golden Pro Wrestling fans. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.
The crowd cheers again.
Fuse: I only wish I could compete more for you, but as Pure Gold Champion, I must wrestle only twice per season. Once mid-way to defend my championship and family honor, and then again at the season finale.
The young, Japanese wrestler looks down at his bo for a moment and then back to the camera. The wind blows through the hair that isn’t tucked under his family bandana.
Fuse: I have been told tonight that two challengers will be competing for the next opportunity to take away my championship. Big Buddha… and Awoke.
BOO!!!
Fuse: While I always respect and appreciate the wisdom of Big Buddha, I would not be unhappy to see Awoke emerge victorious. For you see, Awoke has made several disparaging remarks about my people.
BOO!!!
Fuse: Awoke does not consider the Japanese and its Asian brethren to be, as he put it, not an ‘oppressed’ minority.
BOO!!!
Fuse: For all of my countrymen to came to America only to be put in internment camps during World War II, I pray that Awoke will face me at Gold Strike 18.
The crowd unleashes a loud cheer, and Fuse’s face becomes even more serious than before.
Fuse: That is the plan of Makoto.
The camera fades out from the rooftop vignette.
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The broadcast switches back inside the main arena of the FedExForum, and the song “Novacain” by 10 Years begins to play through the sound system. The handsome looking wrestler named Decade emerges from backstage with a serious face.
Rudy Mac: Mentally tortured! That’s how we’ve come to know Decade! For as talented as he is in the ring, there’s some sort of alter ego bubbling underneath the surface!
DeShawn: I use that excuse when my girlfriends catch me cheating! As Shaggy once said, it wasn’t me!
Rudy Mac: DeShawn!
Decade gets into mid-ring and the music switches to “Mucha lucha” by Chicos de Barrio. The crowd cheers to the traditional upbeat Mexican song, and the masked lucha libre, Ejercito de Juan, runs out from backstage and down the ramp.
Rudy Mac: He may have lost his chance to get the Silver Championship at Gold Strike 16, but Ejercito de Juan has the opportunity to move on with a big win against Decade!
DeShawn: It’s always a Nueva Dia!
Ejercito de Juan and Decade square up in the middle of the ring and the bell sounds the start of the match. Things pick up pace quick as Juan decides to show off his speed and acrobatics.
After getting Decade to chase him around the ring, Ejercito de Juan jumps up on the mid-ropes and springboards into a flying cross-body block.
1… 2… NO!!!
Rudy Mac: Decade just bench pressed Ejercito de Juan straight up into the air!
Both of the competitors get to their feet and lunge back at one another in a blaze of combat. Decade finally gets the better of Juan and picks him up into a perfect suplex.
1… 2… NO!!!
DeShawn: If anyone knows how to suplex, it’s Decade!
The match continues with a back-and-forth, high-octane atmosphere. Decade is seemingly able to match Ejercito de Juan’s speed until Juan knees Decade in the stomach, drops him with a knee buster and climbs the top rope.
Rudy Mac: What is Ejercito de Juan up to UP THERE!?
When Decade gets to his feet, Ejercito de Juan flies off of his perch and grabs Decade’s head before spinning and planting a tornado DDT.
DeShawn: Muy caliente!
1… 2… … NO!!!
Rudy Mac: Decade says not quite yet!
The match continues and Ejercito de Juan appears to be slow down, which gives Decade the chance to snatch him and pull his leg over for a fisherman’s suplex.
1… 2… NO!!!
Rudy Mac: This is just good rasslin’, GPW fans!
Decade and Juan pause for a moment and catch their breath before the Golden Pro Wrestling crowd breaks into an impromptu chant.
G-P-W! G-P-W! G-P-W!
Rudy Mac: Listen to THAT, folks!
The two wrestlers bust back into action, and Decade finally snatches Ejercito de Juan into an inverted suplex position before finally delivering his finisher.
A PERFECT 10!!!
1… 2… … … NO!!!
DeShawn: Holy moly!
Decade begins to look frustrated and incensed. He grabs the ropes with his hands and begins shouting incoherently in a strange voice.
Rudy Mac: Oh no! I think that alter ego is starting to take over!
With Decade distracted, Ejercito de Juan spins Decade around from behind and stuns him with a kick to the stomach. He then runs to the far side and bounces back off the ropes into a moonsault huracurrana.
EL SUPREMO!!!
1… 2… … 3!!!
Rudy Mac: Nice win for Ejercito de Juan! He was definitely due!
The crowd erupts in a lively cheer for the lucha libre while Decade rolls around groggily on the mat.
Winner:
Ejercito de Juan via El Supremo
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The show moves backstage where Golden Pro Wrestling reporter Vicky Cogliano is standing with Crosscheck Beck, who is obviously still sweating and cooling down from his previous match.
In the background, Bounce Squad, stands by with serious faces as Vicky’s protection.
Vicky: Hello GPW fans! I’m Vicky Cogliano, and I’m here with none other than Crosscheck Beck! What a big win you had over Corbin Fiscal!
The crowd cheers from back inside the main FedExForum arena. Beck gives a smile to the camera showing a couple of missing teeth.
Crosscheck Beck: Ah, well, Vicky. I just kept going on offense, tried to wear him down, keep it simple, have tight defense.”
The GPW report, Vicky Cogliano, looks thrown off by the hockey interview ling, but continues on.
Vicky: Now, Crosscheck Beck, it’s been quite awhile since you were last on the ice in a real hockey fight. Overall, how have you adjusted to being a professional wrestler?
Beck: Well, playing for the Memphis Bears…
Crosscheck Beck waits for a moment while the fans cheer for the mention of their local pro hockey team.
Beck: Playing for the Bears was the greatest height of my career BUT I know I can go even farther as a wrestler. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been worth it!
Vicky: And what have you learned that’s different in wrestling than in hockey?
Beck: The biggest thing, Vicky? The biggest thing is that some of these benders don’t know about THE CODE!
Vicky: And what’s ‘the code’?
Beck: The Code refers to the unwritten rules to having a nice clean fight, where you each have an honest shot to go out and do your best to win WITHOUT becoming a cheating little bitch.
Golden Pro Wrestling’s reporter looks confused.
Vicky: Wait, Crosscheck Beck, are you talking about someone in particular?
The former hockey player gets a big grin and starts to nod.
Beck: Oh yeah! I’m talking about that chump, JUMPSTART! I had to do an autograph signing with him once, and ever since then I’ve been wanting to punch his little old teeth out.
Vicky: Would you call this a declaration of war then, Beck?
Beck: Listen, Vicky, I’m not just going to take the Silver Championship belt from him this season, I’m going to RETIRE him for GOOD. And this one is FOR THE FANS!
The crowd pops wildly at the idea of someone gunning for Jumpstart, and Beck finishes off the moment by raising a beer up in one hand and guzzling it down wildly.
Vicky: Crosscheck Beck, ladies and gentlemen!
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Gold Strike 17 switches back inside the main arena, and the crowd unleashes its loudest cheer of the night when “My Hero” by Foo Fighters begins to play. In the midst of the torrent of exaltation, Golden Ben Miller walks out from backstage with a microphone in his hand.
Rudy Mac: Golden Ben Miller is getting back into action, but it looks like first he has something to say!
DeShawn: Lay it on me, Golden Warhorse!
An enthusiastic chant begins as the music tapers off.
G-B-M! G-B-M! G-B-M!
Golden Ben Miller smiles and waves to the fans until the chant starts to subside.
GBM: My friends of GPW! It’s good to BE BACK!
Another pop comes from the Golden Pro Wrestling faithful.
GBM: I’ll keep this short and sweet for you. I know that I haven’t reached my ultimate prize of becoming the Pure Gold Champion, and we’re already into Season 4, but there’s a bigger responsibility that must come first!
The crowd buzzes in anticipation.
GBM: And that is ensuring the INTEGRITY of my grandfather’s legacy, Golden Pro Wrestling! That’s right, I’m truly here to call out all of the shifty, no-good, devious, insidious behavior I see!
Golden Pro Wrestling’s fans pop loudly in agreement.
GBM: I’m talking about the absolute evil from Dr. Dean and Psych Ward, the universal disrespect from Violence, and the ass-backward-idiocy of Awoke! I PROMISE YOU THIS, Season 4 I will be GIVING IT MY ALL! No stone unturned! I’m putting all of these people ON NOTICE!
Another cheer is rewarded in response.
GBM: But that’s all words… it’s time for ACTION! And that begins right now, TONIGHT against Dr. Dean.
The entire arena pops and then quiets down as Golden Ben Miller prepares for his catchphrase.
GBM: AND. THAT. IS. GOLDEN!
The crowd chants Golden Ben Miller’s universal catch phrase with him, and he then drops his mic and continues walking down to the ring while “My Hero” plays again.
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Golden Ben Miller gets into the ring and gets to a turnbuckle before climbing up and raising his right arm in acknowledgement and solidarity with the fans.
Rudy Mac: It sounds like Golden Ben Miller has his eye on EVERYONE right now!
DeShawn: I know that helps me sleep better at night!
GBM’s music fades out and it’s replaced with “Down with the Sickness” by Disturbed
BOO!!!
Dr. Dean walks out from backstage, and of course flanked by the Orderlies. He looks at the crowd and shakes his head in disappointment before heading down the ramp and climbing into the ring.
Rudy Mac: This is a rematch from Season 1 when Golden Ben Miller eliminated Dr. Dean from the Pure Gold Championship tournament in the semi-finals.
DeShawn: I think we were all surprised Dr. Dean got that far, but then he went on to win the Silver Championship at Gold Rush!
Dr. Dean’s music fades out, and the Orderlies take their place ringside. The bell rings prompting GBM and the leader of the Psych Ward to start circling one-another while the fans cheer in anticipation of the match.
Golden Ben Miller expectedly gets the immediate advantage as the larger, purer wrestler. He puts Dr. Dean into a headlock and pounds away furiously before picking Dr. Dean up and nailing a perfect scoop slam.
1… 2… NO!!!
Rudy Mac: Close call there because that scoop slam is devastating at ANY point in a match!
The competition moves on and Dr. Dean surprises GBM with a nasty upper cut, which gives Dr. Dean the chance to bounce off the ropes and hit a running knee to the head. At ringside, the Orderlies look at each other and nod in approval of their boss’s effort.
DeShawn: I’d be keeping my eye on the Orderlies all match if I were Ben!
Dr. Dean flips GBM over and attempts to put him into his signature Boston Crab submission.
Rudy Mac: Here is an early submission move!
THE DIAGNOSIS-NO!!!
At the last moment, Golden Ben Miller kicks and strikes Dr. Dean in the back sending him sprawling to the mat while the crowd cheers.
The Golden Warhorse gets to his feet and begins to take advantage with a thunderous sidewalk slam. Unsatisfied with his momentum, GBM pulls Dr. Dean to his feet and whips him off the ropes. Dr. Dean ducks under GBM’s big boot, bounces off the far side rope and nails a running clothesline against his bigger opponent.
Rudy Mac: That just took Golden Ben Miller DOWN!
Sensing an opportunity, Dr. Dean rolls GBM over and firmly puts him into a Boston Crab.
THE DIAGNOSIS!!!
GBM visibly grimaces in pain from the excruciating position.
DeShawn: Don’t give up, Ben!
TA… TA… TA… NO!!!
Golden Ben Miller manages to break the hold and get back to his feet. Dr. Dean, obviously frustrated, lunges in for another attack. This time Golden Ben Miller is ready with a big boot that Dr. Dean runs his head into.
Rudy Mac: Someone is going to need some aspirin later!
Dr. Dean gets back to a standing position while GBM crouches by in preparation to attack, which he does by grabbing the leader of the Psych Ward and planting him in the middle of the ring with another scoop slam.
He stands over Dr. Dean in mid-ring and pulls off his kneepad, delighting the crowd who knows what’s coming next.
DeShawn: Here comes the most illustrious move in all sports entertainment, the Golden Knee!
Indeed, GBM runs to one rope, bounces, and runs across to the other rope, but suddenly stops when he sees Orderly Caruso waiting for him ringside.
The referee runs over and warns off Orderly Caruso, but it gives the opportunity for Dr. Dean to sneak behind and deliver a low blow to GBM.
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: Unbelievable!
When the referee turns around, Dr. Dean has GBM in a small package pin attempt.
1… 2… … 3!!!
Rudy Mac: HOGWASH!
BOO!!!
The crowd lets out their displeasure by Dr. Dean’s chicanery, and the leader of the Psych Ward quickly rolls out of the ring into the Orderlies’ protection. Golden Ben Miller pops to his feet and runs to the ropes to glare at Dr. Dean who swiftly runs up the ramp and away.
DeShawn: I don’t think this is over for GBM! He won’t tolerate that kind of cheating!
Winner:
Dr. Dean via Low Blow
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The show transitions to backstage where the Pure Gold Champion, Fuse Makoto, walks down a hallway. The crowd once again erupts at the site of the intrepid young Japanese wrestler.
Fuse turns a corner and is stopped by two smaller Asian men in nice suits.
Japanese Man: Ah, young Fuse. So nice to, ah, finally meet you in pe’son.
The Pure Gold Champion furrows his eyebrows in confusion.
Fuse: I must apologize, for I have not yet had the honor of meeting you.
Japanese Man: You may call me Sato. I come f’om Japan, just like you. Except I don’t speak the Ame’ican English as well as you.
Fuse: Ah, well welcome to America. It is full of much opportunity, as you see.
The Pure Gold Champion points to the championship belt slung over his shoulder. Sato looks over at the other Japanese man and smiles before turning his attention back to Fuse.
Sato: That is exactly why I come to Ame’ica. To see you. In o’de’ to p’otect you.
Fuse: Protect me? I believe I have proven capable of protecting myself.
The well-dressed Japanese man places his hands together in a sign of respect.
Sato: I am so’y, I meant to dis’espect. But you must unde’stand that back in Japan, you have become ve’y ve’y popula’. The big bosses ve’y much need you to continue your success.
Fuse: Big bosses? What is this?
Sato: I ‘ep’esent Yakuza. Ve’y powe’ful. Make much money f’om your me’chendise. If you fail, bosses be ve’y ve’y upset.
It begins to dawn on Fuse what is going on.
Fuse: I thank you for making the long journey, but I will continue to represent my family, myself, and our honor. Whatever goes on back in Japan is not my business.
The Yakuza crime syndicate representative frowns in disappointment.
Sato: Don’t wo’y young Makoto, keep doing what you doing. We will take ca’e of the ‘est.
With that, the two Japanese men smile and walk off, leaving Fuse in deep thought.
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Gold Strike 17 moves on to another location backstage where Vicky Cogliano is standing by with Dr. Tabitha Garran, Golden Pro Wrestling’s head doctor.
Vicky’s protective Bounce Squad stands by in the background, and the crowd cheers for the two beautiful women from back inside the main arena.
Vicky: Hello Golden Pro Wrestling fans! I’m back and this time I have with me GPW’s chief medical officer, Dr. Tabitha Garran!
Dr. Garran: Thank you for having me, Vicky. I truly appreciate this opportunity to address something very, very important.
Vicky: Please, Dr. Garran, tell us what’s on your mind.
Dr. Garran: It’s no secret that I have been incredibly concerned about Abel Unstable. That man is under the care of a sinister physician, who I suspect is mistreating all of his patients.
Vicky: I’m assuming you’re referring to Dr. Dean?
Dr. Garran: Absolutely, Vicky. Season-after-season, we’ve watched this mad man parade his patients into the ring as a money-maker, then only to shackle them into straitjackets and shove back into their cells. If they ever disappoint him in the ring, he no doubt punishes them at the Greater Memphis Psychiatric Institute.
Vicky: Those are incredibly serious allegations.
Dr. Garran: That is why I have filed an ethics complaint against Dr. Dean with the Tennessee Medical Board and am pursuing Freedom of Information Act requests to pull all medical records for his patients. Heavily redacted, of course, to hide patient names.
Vicky: What do you expect the outcome to be?
Dr. Garran: I fully expect Dr. Dean to fight this with everything he’s got… BUT I will eventually expose him for the sick, twisted physician he is, and I’ll free his patients from the abominable treatment he subjects them to!
Vicky: I guess next I need to follow up with Dr. Dean himself!
Dr. Garran: Please do, Vicky. Your inquisitive reporting may be what we need to root him out of his inscrutable seat of power.
GPW’s reporter turns back to the camera and smiles.
Vicky: It sounds like I have my work cut out for me! Dr. Garran, ladies and gentlemen!
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With a grand flair, the show returns to inside the main arena of the FedExForum with a wide pan of the sellout crowd.
Rudy Mac: After all the twists and turns amongst tonight’s stories, we’re now down to our main event! Big Buddha and Awoke have a chance to punch their ticket for a Pure Gold Championship title shot at Gold Strike 18!
DeShawn: I hope the ring is ready for a combined weight of 800 pounds bouncing around!
The lights inside the arena lower slightly, and the solemn sounds of “Four Vows” by Chris Burrows begins to play. The crowd erupts in cheering when Big Buddha slowly walks out from backstage with a peaceful face.
Rudy Mac: This is a rematch of Gold Strike 14 when Awoke made short work of Big Buddha, frankly.
DeShawn: If there’s someone who isn’t bothered by the past, it’s Big Buddha, and probably all the women who turned down my advances!
Big Buddha slowly walks up the steps and enters the ring before the lights go back to normal and the music fades out.
“Chained to the Rhythm” by Katy Perry begins to play and the crowd provides an acerbic reaction.
BOO!!!
Awoke walks out from backstage carrying a sign that reads “ASIANS AREN’T OPPRESSED” and waves it angrily at the booing fans.
Rudy Mac: Despicable! Asians are a complex minority group who have had to overcome a plethora of bias and challenges!
DeShawn: I get it, though! If they weren’t so good at math, they’d be just like me!
Rudy Mac: DeShawn! I’m not sure what the right response here is!
Awoke tosses the sign on the ground as he approaches the ring and climbs up. After simply stepping over the ropes, the bell rings and he squares up with the large Tibetan monk.
Rudy Mac: Here we go! Pure Gold Championship Number One Contender status is on the line!
As expected, the match starts with a plodding pace. The two large wrestlers trade powerful shots back and forth until Awoke nails Big Buddha with a thunderous belly-to-belly slam.
1… 2… NO!!!
Big Buddha is next to take the advantage by getting Awoke to the ground with a large clothesline. When Awoke attempts to get back to his feet, he’s drilled in the side of the head by Big Buddha’s knee.
Awoke falls flat on his back, and Big Buddha betrays a simple smile before jumping and landing directly on his opponent.
1… 2… NO!!!
DeShawn: Pushing Big Buddha off of him reminds me the last time I let my girl ride me!
Rudy Mac: Too far!
Awoke takes control of the match and pulls Big Buddha to the corner where he slams Big Buddha’s head against the turnbuckle repeatedly. The referee fruitlessly yells at Awoke that it’s been too many times.
The Social Justice Warrior ignores the referee and leads Big Buddha out to the middle of the ring and slams him down by the head with a standing bulldog.
DeShawn: Ouch!
The crowd buzzes in anticipation while Awoke slowly climbs to the top rope, unevenly perching himself high up above the laid-out Big Buddha.
Rudy Mac: I don’t know what’s coming but I think it’s going to be high impact!
Awoke launches out into the sky and crowd gasps as he lands an epic five-star frog splash on Big Buddha, which causes the ring to shake like it had never done before.
Rudy Mac and DeShawn: WOW!
1… 2… … NO!!!
Rudy Mac: Unbelievable kickout!
Awoke stands up, obviously annoyed that such an incredible moment wasn’t enough to capture victory. He clumsily picks Big Buddha up from the ring mat and continues to lay in his assault.
Finally, Big Buddha blocks a punch from Awoke and begins delivering his own attack. After wearing down Awoke, he drags him to the turnbuckle and begins an epically slow progression to the top rope.
Rudy Mac: Dear god! These two are going up to the top rope TOGETHER!
The crowd buzzes with excitement while Big Buddha gets Awoke into a superplex position, and with a feat of strength he pulls Awoke up and falls backward to mid-ring.
THUD!!!
The Golden Pro Wrestling fans break into an impromptu chant.
G-P-W! G-P-W! G-P-W!
Rudy Mac: Nobody expected this sort of action out of the big boys!
Instead of going for the cover, Big Buddha stands up and then sits down on Awoke’s chest in a Buddhist meditative pose.
MEDITATION!!!
DeShawn: I bet Awoke is thinking “I CAN’T BREATHE!”
Awoke visibly gasps for air under the crushing weight of Big Buddha, and squirms wildly. He flails with his feet and pointlessly punches Big Buddha in the thighs and legs. The Tibetan monk simply sits with his eyes closed and waits.
The referee gets down low and checks on Awoke, and not getting back any sort of visible response, he begins to raise Awoke’s arm into the air to see if it’ll fall.
Rudy Mac: If Awoke’s arm drops three times, this is over!
THE REFEREE LIFTS AWOKE’S ARM… IT FALLS!!!
The crowd cheers wildly at Awoke’s situation.
THE REFEREE LIFTS AWOKE’S ARM… IT FALLS AGAIN!!!
Rudy Mac: One more time, and this is over!
THE REFEREE LIFTS AWOKE’S ARM… IT FALLS AG-NO!!!
The last moment, Awoke’s arm strikes up suddenly, and then he uses both arms to lift and push Big Buddha off of him.
Rudy Mac: From the edge of death, Awoke is back!
Big Buddha has a look of surprise when Awoke stands up and scowls toward him. In one movement, Awoke angrily kicks Big Buddha in the stomach, then lifts him up over his shoulders into a Samoan Drop position.
CANCELLED!!!
Rudy Mac: Oh no!
1… 2… … 3!!!
The bell rings and the fans are shocked at the sudden come-from-behind victory by Awoke.
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: I’ve got to say, Awoke really earned this one!
DeShawn: Agreed!
Big Buddha lays on the ground motionless while Awoke smugly looks out toward the fans and shakes his head in disapproval.
Winner:
Awoke via Cancelled
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Standing in the ring over Big Buddha, Awoke shakes his head in disapproval and then yells down to a production assistant to throw him a microphone. The nervous PA nods and hands the microphone up to the big San Francisco SJW.
Awoke: I told you all that Asians aren’t an oppressed minority! I will show them no mercy, the same way that I’ll be showing Fuse Makoto no mercy at Gold Strike 18!
BOO!!!
The blue-haired monster throws the microphone down and begins to stomp on Big Buddha repeatedly. The crowd apoplectically voices their displeasure as Awoke picks Big Buddha back up for another Cancelled samoan drop.
Rudy Mac: Unbelievable! Awoke truly seems to have contempt for Asians!
Suddenly, the crowd lets loose a surprising cheer when Decade comes running out from backstage and down the ramp.
Rudy Mac: Decade is here! What’s he doing!?
Decade slides into the ring, runs at Awoke and delivers a powerful spear into Awoke’s midsection. Awoke drops Big Buddha on to his feet and falls to the mat holding his stomach while the crowd cheers wildly.
Awoke rolls out of the ring and heads back up the ramp in obvious discomfort.
DeShawn: I can’t complain about Decade coming out here to help Big Buddha, but can we trust him to always be like this!?
Big Buddha looks at Decade with a calm satisfaction, but then his face quickly becomes concerned as Decade starts stomping around clutching his head.
Rudy Mac: Oh no! It looks like that alter ego may be popping up!
Indeed, Decade walks over the ropes and shakes them violently and starts swinging his head back-and-forth. The crowd gasps when Decade’s head comes still with a disturbed, twisted face.
Rudy Mac: Get out of there, Big Buddha!
Decade turns around and approaches the Tibetan monk, who peacefully holds out his hand while he picks up the microphone from the ring mat.
The crowd hushes.
Big Buddha: Young Decade, you are more than what is twisting inside your soul. You can defeat it. Come back, Decade. Take control.
Decade looks around to the fans, who begin to chant.
TAKE CONTROL! TAKE CONTROL! TAKE CONTROL!
The young, stalwart Canadian wrestler’s twisted face doesn’t oblige. Instead, Decade smacks the microphone out of Big Buddha’s hand, kicks him in the stomach, spins him around and lifts him into an inverted suplex.
A PERFECT 10!!!
Rudy Mac: No! Decade couldn’t overcome his alter ego!
BOO!!!
Decade looks down at Big Buddha who lays motionless mid-ring with a sick, deranged face.
Rudy Mac: My goodness! We’re going to have to leave it here for Gold Strike 17! See you back here at Gold Strike 18 when Fuse Makoto defends the Pure Gold Championship against Awoke! Good night!
The camera closes in on Decade’s disturbed face and the show fades to black…
All illustrations from the talented David G.