What happens when a literal street gang takes over a professional wrestling organization?
Gold Strike 26 happens!
See what all the jive is about when Shotcaller struts into FedExForum and makes his Season Six intentions clear.
PLUS King Crab Mack wants payback on Decade, Dr. Dean and the rest of Psych Ward for taking his Silver Championship!
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Rudy Mac: YEEEEHAWWWW!!!! Welcome BACK to Golden Pro Wrestling for Gold Strike 26 and the START of SEASON SIX: BLOOD AND BLING! I’m Rudy Mac, your Memphis rasslin’ expert, and sitting next to me is a man who only wears Velcro shoes, DeShawn Brannon!
DeShawn: Hey hey hey!
Rudy Mac: DESHAWN! I am THRILLED to be back with you for another scintillating season of Golden Pro Wrestling!
DeShawn: Rudy, I can’t tell you how much you missed me!
Rudy Mac: Wait, you mean you can’t tell me how much YOU missed ME, right?
DeShawn: I said what I said!
Rudy Mac: Bah! We’re off to a rocky start here, but let’s get things back on track with a good ol’ RUDY RUN DOWN!
DeShawn: Let it rain on me like you were R. Kelly!
Rudy Mac: DESHAWN! Sweet lord, I can’t let myself get thrown off by your inappropriate analogies! Anyways… We all remember how Starfall ended… WITH FLIP COSTA FINALLY FREE FROM DRACONIUM!
DeShawn: That was literally the BEST day of my life!
Rudy Mac: And I have it on good authority that he’s going to give his first public statement tonight!
DeShawn: I’m down with that!
Rudy Mac: But before Golden Ben Miller and the Golden Pros did the good deed at Starfall, we all witnessed some MAJOR bombs go off. First, Violence defeated and RETIRED born-again babyface Jumpstart!
DeShawn: I still haven’t taken off my Jumpstart undies since then! Forever Jumpstart!
Rudy Mac: Gross but understandable! Anyways, we also saw Shotcaller climb away and defeat Fuse Makoto in a cage to retain his Pure Gold Championship!
DeShawn: Now that match was JUST. PLAIN. BONKERS!
Rudy Mac: There was plenty of other drama throughout Season 5 and Starfall, but right now it’s time to look FORWARD to Season Six! And there’s no better way to do that than a special address from our grand commissioner, Parker Meloche!
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The iconic intro to “E.I.” by Nelly begins to play through the arena speaker system and the excited crowd POPS for Golden Pro Wrestling Commissioner Parker Meloche.
Rudy Mac: He’s BACK! Commissioner Meloche ALWAYS kicks off each season with a special address!
DeShawn: His mic work is just as stellar as his ability to cut my paychecks!
The young Canadian businessman in a gray suit confidently walks down to the ring with a polished smile. He climbs in and is handed a microphone by a production assistant.
The fans in attendance break out into an impromptu chant.
G-P-W! G-P-W! G-P-W!
Parker takes a moment to let them get it out of their system.
Rudy Mac: Sometimes the fans just have to get the excitement off their chest!
Once the raucous crowd calms down, Parker holds the microphone up to his lips.
Parker: Helllooo, Memphis!
Another pop goes off inside FedExForum.
Parker: Here we are… SIX seasons deep into the story of Golden… Pro… WRESTLING!
He pauses a moment while the GPW fans react enthusiastically.
Parker: There’s no denying that it’s going to be hard to top what happened in Season 5. I’m talking, of course, about Golden Ben Miller leading the charge to FREE Flip Costa from the control of Queen Solis and Draconium!
G-B-M! G-B-M! G-B-M!
Parker: So how are we going to top things this season?… well, what I can tell you is that SHOTCALLER is entering his SECOND season on top!
BOO!!!
Parker: And, no matter what you think about him, he’s TOP TIER and it’s going to take A LOT to bring him down! Now-
The Golden Pro Wrestling commissioner is cut off by a song closely associated with one of GPW’s most hated wrestlers.
“Chained to the Rhythm” by Katy Perry.
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: I don’t think anyone wants to see this man!
Awoke walks out from behind the Gold Screen with a scowl on his face and a microphone in his hand.
BOO!!!
DeShawn: This guy is the WORST!
Inside the ring, Parker rolls his eyes and shakes his head while the music fades out. Awoke begins to speak into the microphone.
Awoke: Midwest BIGOTS, I’m here!
BOO!!!
Awoke: Don’t worry, I’m not here to address your backward ways! I’m here to talk to my white cis hetero male boss!
Parker: What do you want, Awoke? Why can’t you let these good people have at least ONE segment without seeing your mug!
Awoke: OF COURSE you would say that! Men like you with your white fragility can’t STAND to hear the truth!
Parker: Alright, get whatever it is off your chest.
The crowd buzzes in annoyance and Awoke begins to pace back and forth across the ring before continuing.
Awoke: This is about what happened at Starfall, and what I expect to happen TONIGHT!
Parker: Go on…
Awoke: As everyone saw at Starfall, I PROVED that trans athletes have no inherent advantage over cisgender competitors when I defeated Whatevs!
BOO!!!
Parker: Whoa whoa whoa. You defeated a trans man, which is WAYYY different than a real woman facing a biological man!
Awoke: SHUT UP WITH YOUR HATRED!
Parker: There’s no hatred! These are just fa-
The San Francisco snaps at the commissioner, cutting him off from up on the entrance stage.
Awoke: Oh, yes, let’s talk about FACTS! The FACT is that I scored one for the good, enlightened people of the Left at Starfall, and I demand my reward!
BOO!!!
Parker: What exactly IS it you want, Awoke?
Awoke: Everyone knows that the first episode of Gold Strike each season features a Silver Championship match… and I deserve a place in that match!
BOO!!!
Down inside the ring, the commissioner thinks carefully to himself.
Parker: Well, you technically did win your match at Starfall, and I reluctantly do agree that you have an argument…
Awoke: Great! That’s it then! Me vs. Decade in the main event!
Parker: Hold on now… there’s something else I need to consider though, and that’s exactly how Decade won his Silver Championship at Starfall.
Awoke: What of it!?
Parker: Decade’s victory wasn’t exactly clean. So, I think that there’s another gentleman on this roster who has a good reason to be in that main event… KING CRAB MACK!
The crowds GOES NUTS at the mention of the Bering Sea Badass. Back up on the entrance stage, Awoke shakes his head in annoyance.
Awoke: What are you saying!?
Parker: Tonight, you WILL get your chance for the Silver Championship, but so will KCM! That’s right! It’s a TRIPLE THREAT match!
The entire arena POPS at the idea of KCM getting a shot at both Awoke and Decade.
Awoke: Whatever! I’ll beat two white cis hetero men at the same time!
The blue-haired oaf storms backstage obviously perturbed.
Still inside the ring, Parker Meloche gestures with his hand out the sellout FedExForum crowd.
Parker: Here we go folks… buckle up for SEASON SIX!
“E.I.” by Nelly starts to play again and the crowd cheers as Parker leaves the ring to walk up the entrance ramp.
Rudy Mac: My goodness, we’re in for a treat to kick things off!
DeShawn: I don’t deserve this!
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Gold Strike 26 transitions backstage where Vicky Cogliano is standing with a microphone, and is flanked by her bodyguards, Bounce Squad.
Next to her is the Flip Costa, and the crowd goes ABSOLUTELY NUTS at the sight of their favorite adonis. Vicky waits patiently as the cheering from back inside FedExForum.
Vicky: Flip Costa, you’re BACK!
The Pensacola Pretty Boy smiles back.
Flip: That’s right, babe, and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me!
Vicky: It’s been quite a while since we were able to hear your voice. During Season 4, you had gone off somewhere with the Draconian, and then when you returned you were transformed by Queen Solis into Flip Draco.
BOO!!!
GPW’s best-looking highflyer looks down in shame.
Flip: I’m afraid that’s right, sweet cheeks. Even though I defeated Draconium’s galactic beast-o at Gold Strike 20, I paid a dear, dear cost.
The intrepid, beautiful reporter of Golden Pro Wrestling looks back at him with kind eyes.
Vicky: Tell us a little bit about what that was like. Do you remember anything?
Flip: Yes… sort of. When I was Flip Draco, I had, like, no control over myself. It’s as if I was a programmed machine only able to respond to the commands of Queen Solis… it was like living in a bad night dream.
Vicky: You mean a nightmare?
Flip: Sure, babe.
Vicky: And how did it feel to be restored?
Flip: It felt like I was being born through, like, the ultimate loose vag-
Vicky: Flip! Remember this is a family show!
Flip: My b… I’m still getting used to being back in my own headspace.
Vicky: What would you like to say to everyone who watched you go through your Flip Draco experience?
Flip: First and foremost, I must extend my supremo-apprece to all the great fans here in Memphis, Tennessee for NOT giving up on me!
The crowd back inside the main arena of FedExForum pops up in response.
Flip: And, of course, I owe everything else to Golden Ben Miller, Corbin Fiscal, Cory Stenson and the Wild Kards for stepping up to the plate at Starfall to BRING! ME! BACK!
Another raucous cheer emanates into the backstage interview area.
Vicky: Finally, can you tell us your plans for Season 6?
Flip: My plans? Get back to normal, right? I gotta make up for lost time with my ladies Veronica, Tina, Kelly, and a couple others!
The GPW reporter makes a sad face, possibly thinking about her ongoing crush on Flip since Season 1 when he saved her from Reject. The Pensacola Pretty Boy notices.
Flip: And, like, you too!
Vicky’s face perks up.
Flip: Anyways, Season 6 is all about getting back on the horse! I joined Golden Pro Wrestling to win the Pure Gold Championship, and that’s STILL my goal! Shotcaller, I’m coming after YOU!
The crowd responds enthusiastically as Vicky Cogliano wraps up the interview.
Vicky: Flip Costa, ladies and gentlemen!
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The show returns inside the main arena where the crowd buzzes anxiously.
Rudy Mac: What a treat to see the must scrumptious man on the roster!
DeShawn: I don’t know what that word means, but I do know that everyone that gets of a glimpse of Flip Costa likes what they see!
The solemn sounds of “Four Vows” by Chris Burrows echoes through the speaker system, and the Golden Pro Wrestling fans come alive with a loud cheer.
The girthy Tibetan monk known as Big Buddha slowly walks out with his head bowed.
Rudy Mac: Big Buddha has had a couple of solid wins recently including wins over both Violence and Decade.
DeShawn: Then Reject should just be a cleanup project on aisle five!
After Big Buddha climbs into the arena, the music switches over to the kneejerk rock of “Bloodwork” by 36 Crazyfists. GPW’s ugliest wrestler, Reject, comes snarling out from backstage and makes his way down the ramp.
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: Always hideous!
DeShawn: And that’s WITH the mask!
Once Reject climbs into the ring, he carefully circles Big Buddha who stands motionless in the middle. The bell rings to commence the match.
Rudy Mac: Here we go! SEASON SIX ACTION!
Reject, even at a humungous 6’6” stature, is obviously the nimbler and more fit competitor. Big Buddha, himself 6’5” but weighed down by 400 pounds, stands idly in the middle of the ring.
DeShawn: Two big boys with two different body types!
GPW’s masked incel makes the first move and runs in for an attack, but the girthy Tibetan monk smoothly sidesteps him, and Reject goes running face first into the corner.
The crowd pops in response.
Rudy Mac: Whoa! I don’t think we’ve seen that sort of grace from Big Buddha before!
Big Buddha gets ahold of Reject and smashes his face three times into the turnbuckle and then pulls him out to mid-ring for a thunderous scoop slam.
1… 2… NO!!!
DeShawn: Hard to imagine trying to kick out with 400 pounds on top of you!
Rudy Mac: That’s how I felt last time I was with your MOM!
DeShawn: RUDY!
Rudy Mac: Just a little ol’ joke from ol’ Rudy!
The match continues for a few minutes with back-and-forth action, but Reject eventually gets the upper hand and stuns Big Buddha with an illegal uppercut. The referee steps in and scolds the masked incel.
Rudy Mac: That’s a hogwash move if I’ve ever seen one!
Reject simply waves off the annoying ref and grabs ahold of Big Buddha before pulling the Tibetan monk toward him. He shows off his incredible strength and drops Big Buddha with a double knee gutbuster.
THE LEFT SWIPE!!!
1… 2… … NO!!!
DeShawn: That’s the kind of mindfulness I like to see!
The two wrestlers get back to their feet, and Big Buddha gains the next advantage. He levels Reject with a clothesline, and then ceremoniously drops his large rearend onto Reject’s chest.
Rudy Mac: Enter your trance, Big Buddha!
The monk crosses his legs, closes his eyes and goes into a deeply peaceful state.
MEDITATION!!!
The referee checks in on Reject, who is gasping for breath underneath Big Buddha.
TAP TAP TAP!!!
Rudy Mac: A submission victory for Golden Pro Wrestling’s most peaceful man!
The bell rings, and Big Buddha rises to his feet with the help of the referee while the fans cheer on the winner of the first match in Season Six.
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The show moves to the backstage parking lot where the blue-haired oaf named Awoke stands outside the rear entrance door.
BOO!!!
In his hands is a protest sign that reads “DON’T BE NICE TO ICE!” and he scowls at every car that passes by.
Awoke: NO MORE ICE! NO MORE ICE!
A large orange F350 rolls up in front Awoke and comes to a stop. After a moment, its engine begins to rev, and plumes of black smoke billow out of the exhaust pipe and engulfs Awoke.
Gold Strike 26’s crowd can be heard cheering and laughing from inside the main arena of FedExForum.
Obviously perturbed, the San Francisco SJW takes a few steps back and coughs before yelling at the vehicle. Then the door to the truck opens and outsteps the Bering Sea Badass, King Crab Mack.
The GPW fans POP at the sight of Golden Pro Wrestling’s notorious tough guy.
Without missing a beat, Awoke confronts him with a condescending face.
Awoke: That sort of carbon emission is RUINING the Earth, but I don’t have time for that! I must deal with ICE first!
King Crab Mack looks around for a moment and then back at Awoke.
KCM: The FUCK you talking about, boy? There ain’t no ICE here! That shit is happening in the liberal cities where all the illegals go. Memphis is FINE.
A large cheer erupts from the crowd back inside the main arena.
Awoke: The fact that you can’t see that ICE is ALL AROUND US is the problem!
KCM: Whatever kiddo, get out of my way.
King Crab Mack delivers a rude shoulder to Awoke as he walks past him and into FedExForum.
After giving a final glare to KCM, Awoke turns back to see Ejercito de Juan walking toward the door wearing street clothes, his signature mask, and a gym bag slung over his shoulder.
Awoke: Juan! My god! Hurry!
Ejercito de Juan is obviously confused as Awoke picks the small Mexican man up and carries him toward the door. With a quick roll, the lucha libre wrestler gets out of Awoke’s grasp and looks back up at him.
Ejercito de Juan: ¿Porque?
Awoke: Oh, my simple little man from Mexico. You don’t understand the dynamics of American federalist fascism. Let me educate you…
Before the San Francisco SJW can begin one of his political tirades, Ejercito de Juan simply turns and walks into the rear entrance of FedExForum.
The blue-haired oaf gets a confused, annoyed face and shakes his head to himself.
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After the show switches back to inside the main arena of FedExForum, the crowd pops loudly when “Lit Up” by Buckcherry begins to play through the speaker system.
Two men in orange and black wrestling gear jog out and throw signature ‘W’ symbols with both hands.
Rudy Mac: We’re kicking off Season 6 tag team action, and the fans are sure revved up to see the veteran brothers known as the Wild Kards!
DeShawn: These two brothers have hung together through five seasons now, that’s longer than at any point in their history as a professional wrestling tag team!
Once they get down to the ring, Seth hops up and stands on the ring apron near one corner while Sean Kard climbs in and begins to loosen up mid-ring.
The music switches over to “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins, and Your Captains walk out onto the stage.
BOO!!!
They casually walk down the ramp toward the ring with smirks on their faces.
DeShawn: Usually, they come out running around with their arms spread like airplane wings!
Rudy Mac: Perhaps Your Captains are taking things a little more seriously considering they haven’t won since GOLD STRIKE 13!
Capt. John Cunningham gets into the ring and squares up with Sean Kard while Capt. Derek McDonnell takes his place on the ring apron of the far corner from Seth Kard.
The bell rings, and Sean Kard and Capt. John lock up prompting a pop of excitement from the Golden Pro Wrestling fans.
The first couple minutes of the match are back-and-forth between the two wrestlers, but Capt. John gets the upper hand and delivers a backbreaker to Sean Kard.
Rudy Mac: OWIE!
1… 2… NO!!!
After they rise to their feet, Capt. John whips Sean Kard off the ropes, but is met with a laser-like spear in the middle of the ring.
DeShawn: Right in the gut!
1… 2… NO!!!
Sean Kard pops up and tags in his younger brother Seth, who receives some cheers from the fans. Seth starts things off by getting to the top rope and launching himself with a cross-body block at Capt. John.
Rudy Mac: Incoming!
Capt. John ducks at the last moment and lets Seth Kard go crashing onto the mat. And with Seth rolling in pain and holding his stomach, Capt. John tags in Capt. Derek.
DeShawn: Oh, I LOVE when we get two high-flying wrestlers in the ring!
Seth gets to his feet, and begins to go after Capt. Derek, and what ensues is a classic case of agility-meets-agility wrestling.
Capt. Derek gets the first upper hand by POPPING Seth Kard with a reverse jumping DDT.
1… 2… NO!!!
Despite some frustration, he climbs up to the top rope and launches into a Senton Bomb.
CRASH LANDING!!!
Rudy Mac: That might be it!
1… 2… … NO!!!
The crowd cheers wildly like at Seth’s resilience, and the two men slowly get back to their feet. They trade punches back and forth until Capt. Derek gets wobbly and falls back to the mat.
DeShawn: I’m sensing an opportunity here!
Rudy Mac: Just like a Ferengi!
DeShawn: Nice Star Trek reference!
Seth Kard gets to the top rope and jumps out for a 360 legdrop.
SUICIDE KING-NO!!!
With a quick roll away, Capt. Derek lets Seth crash onto the mat.
Rudy Mac: That’s two big misses by Seth, and he MUST be feeling that!
Sean Kard watches helplessly while Capt. Derek is tagged in, who immediately goes to the top rope and launches out into a 360 frog splash.
THE RED EYE!!!
1… 2… … 3!!!
Rudy Mac: BIG WIN for Your Captains! I’m betting that Commissioner Meloche took notice of this!
BOO!!!
The two jackass commercial airline pilots meet in center ring and high five each other repeatedly in celebration.
Winners:
Your Captains via The Red Eye
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Gold Strike 26 returns to a backstage hallway where hip-hop music can be heard, getting progressively louder and louder.
A moment later, a group of people emerge from around a corner, led by the Pure Gold Champion Shotcaller with his title belt.
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: The man who is ON TOP of Golden Pro Wrestling is back!
DeShawn: There’s no denying that Shotcaller seems unstoppable!
Da Bloodz, Wazzup and Choo Choo, follow their leader. Choo Choo carries an old school boombox on one shoulder, which pumps out “Ambitionz Az A Ridah” by 2Pac. And, behind them is a gaggle of scantily dressed women.
The group continues to walk down the hallway toward the camera.
Rudy Mac: Collectively, Shotcaller, Wazzup and Choo Choo make up the LA-based Bloods sect called 85 Piru!
When 85 Piru gets closer, Choo Choo turns down the music, and Shotcaller stops and snarls into the camera.
Shotcaller: Sup Mem-piss. Shotcaller up in this bitch and I’m about to drop the real talk on yooz.
BOO!!!
Wazzup and Choo Choo laugh, and group walks past the camera and down the hallway.
Rudy Mac: It sounds like we’re going to hear from the Pure Gold Champion soon!
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The show returns to the main arena, and the crowd gives a lively response to the cheerful sounds of “Mucha lucha” by Chicos de Barrio. A short lucha libre wrestler jogs out with some extra pep in his step.
Rudy Mac: Ejercito de Juan may have lost at Starfall in the Hardcore Championship match against Sicko, but he sure seems like he hasn’t lost his vibe!
DeShawn: I think we’re all rooting for the little man to succeed!
Ejercito de Juan does a quick jump onto the ring apron, and a second quick jump over the ropes into the ring. The music switches over to “I Can See It In Your Face” by Pretty Lights.
A lukewarm response is given to the wrestler of Samoan-descent, Saga, who appears on the entrance stage.
Rudy Mac: What else is there to say about this guy? He hasn’t made ANY progress with the fans, and he HASN’T WON A SINGLE MATCH in his Golden Pro Wrestling career.
DeShawn: If he doesn’t win today, then he is sitting at 0-10!
Saga gets down to the ring and climbs in, and faces off against the diminutive wrestler from Tijuana, Mexico. Afterward the bell rings, and the crowd cheers for more GPW action.
The Samoan wrestler from San Diego, California begins an aggressive attack by grabbing hold of Ejercito de Juan and pummeling him with right hands.
Rudy Mac: Saga is starting off strong!
Ejercito de Juan weathers the storm and begins to fight back. He stuns Saga with a knee to his stomach, then jumps and POPS Saga with a tornado DDT.
DeShawn: Sweet as a churro!
1… 2… NO!!!
The two wrestlers gather themselves and go back to work. This time, Saga gets the advantage and levels Ejercito de Juan with a clothesline.
Saga quickly follows it up by lifting Ejercito de Juan and delivering a sloppy piledriver.
Rudy Mac: Ouch! Saga looked a bit irresponsible on that move!
DeShawn: Kayfabe, Rudy! Kayfabe!
1… 2… NO!!!
Action continues, and Ejercito de Juan dazzles the crowd with a playa from the ropes, sending Saga down to the mat.
1… 2… NO!!!
Rudy Mac: This might be a little closer than expected! Saga is really hanging in there!
Indeed, Saga is next to press the attack and firmly gets ahold of Ejercito de Juan up on his shoulders. He effortlessly plants the small luchador with a fireman’s carry neckbreaker.
STORY’S END!!!
1… 2… … NO!!!
Saga stands up and screams in frustration.
Rudy Mac: It looks like Saga might be reaching his breaking point!
DeShawn: I would too if my finisher NEVER WORKED!
Ejercito de Juan pops back to his feet and flips off the middle ropes backwards toward the unsuspecting Saga. The fans cheer wildly as he delivers a moonsault huracurrana.
EL SUPREMO!!!
1… 2… 3!!!
Rudy Mac: Count it! Ejercito de Juan picks up a win to start his Season 6 tour!
Just as the referee holds up Ejercito de Juan’s hand to signal his victory, Saga gets to his feet behind them. Saga suddenly clobbers Ejercito de Juan in the back of the head, sending the luchador down to the mat.
BOO!!!
DeShawn: It’s happened! Saga has SNAPPED!
Saga begins stomping down on Ejercito de Juan’s head while the fans deliver an apoplectic response.
BOO!!!
Satisfied that the luchador is firmly hurt, Saga leaves the ring and walks up the entrance stage ramp while “Mucha lucha” by Chicos de Barrio plays.
Winner:
Ejercito de Juan via El Supremo
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Once Saga and Ejercito de Juan return backstage, the crowd begins to buzz anxiously.
Rudy Mac: We’re about to get our main event underway here, but I have a feeling we’re going to hear from the Pure Gold Champion, Shotca-
I Won’t Deny It…
“Ambitionz Az A Ridah” begins to bump through the arena speaker system, and Shotcaller walks out from backstage. Da Bloodz, Wazzup and Choo Choo, follow him closely with grins.
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: Shotcaller is IN. THE. HOUSE!
DeShawn: Word up!
The trio make their way down the entrance stage ramp while the fans continue to boo and jeer the top wrestling in GPW.
Rudy Mac: Shotcaller may have won dirty at Allegiance when he took the Pure Gold Championship from Fuse Makoto, but he won CLEAN in their rematch at Starfall!
The trio of gang members from the Bloods set 85 Piru begin to climb into the ring. The strut around the ring with a collectively cocky demeanor, and Shotcaller points to the Pure Gold Championship belt slung over his shoulder while smiling.
A production assistant hands a microphone up to Shotcaller, and the classic 2Pac song fades out.
The Pure Gold Champion pauses briefly while he lets the crowd continue to rain down boos.
BOO!!!
After a moment, he puts the microphone up to his mouth.
Shotcaller: Yo yo yo! Sup ya’ll. Ya boy Shotcaller is BACK in mo’fuggun’ backward-azz Tennezzeee!
BOO!!!
DeShawn: I don’t think insulting these great people’s home is a good move!
Shotcaller: I came out hurr to lay down some trooth on ya’ll. Ya see, people were doggin ya boy last year. Trippin dat I waz only da champ cuz we did Fuse durty at Allegiance.
Choo Choo and Wazzup give each other a nod and smirk over the beatdown they dilvered to Fuse Makoto before the Pure Gold Championship match at Allegiance. That beat down was what set Shotcaller up to defeat Fuse and capture Golden Pro Wrestling’s most prestigious belt.
Shotcaller: But let’s keep it one hundo cuz at Starfall, I let Fuse throw EVURYTANG he had at me! And it wasn’t enuff! I’m STILL da champ, ya’ll!
BOO!!!
Choo Choo walks up to Shotcaller and pretends to breathe on the Pure Gold Championship belt and then shines it with the sleeve of his shirt.
The Gold Strike 26 attendees aren’t amused, and let loose an impromptu chant.
SHOTCALLER SUCKS! SHOTCALLER SUCKS! SHOTCALLER SUCKS!
Shotcaller looks down and chuckles at his homie’s antics before continuing his public address.
Shotcaller: Dat right dat right. Say wut you want! I just came out here to tell YOU… to tell MEMPHIS… to tell da rest of dis sucka azz ROSTER… DAT I RUN DIS SHIT! GPW is MY shit! All season long, I’m finna show ya’ll dat, no matta WHO the commish sends my way. Welcome to SEASON SIX: BLOOD AND BLING, yo!
“Ambitionz Az A Ridah” begins to bump again, and 85 Piru come back together in the middle of the ring and give each other daps.
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: DeShawn, some might say he’s earned the right to be a bit braggadocious!
DeShawn: Braggadocious is my favorite type of gum!
Rudy Mac: DeShawn, this is serious!
The trio climb out of the ring and make their way up the ramp backstage while the fans continue to voice their displeasure.
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Gold Strike 26 returns backstage where a camera follows Flip Costa walking down the hallway. The crowd POPS big for the sight of GPW’s most handsome wrestler.
As Flip Costa walks along, he sees a couple of loitering Golden Pro Wrestling roster members.
First is GPW’s resident hockey enforcer.
Crosscheck Beck: Flip! Good to see you, bud.
Flip: Thanks, my hockey guy!
The Pensacola Pretty Boy keeps walking and then comes upon Trickster.
Trickster: Yes! So good to have you back with us, Flip!
Flip: So good to BE back!
The high-flyer from Florida rings a hand through his flowing chestnut hair and continues around the hallway corner.
Suddenly, Flip Costa comes to an abrupt stop and stares face-to-face with GPW’s biggest asshole.
Violence.
BOO!!!
The large former Pure Gold Champion sneers down at Flip.
Violence: Oh, hey there, little buddy.
After a momentary pause, Flip responds back with a suspicious face.
Flip: I’m not your buddy, guy.
Violence: Whoa, I wasn’t trying to start anything with you. I just wanted to make sure I had a chance to tell you how MUCH we all missed you! I know that I couldn’t sleep a little wink without you here on our planet.
The Pensacola Pretty Boy, dumb as he may be, could sense Violence’s sarcasm.
Flip: Yo, dude, I don’t really care what you felt about me being gone. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t miss me, either. You’re a complete dick.
The Asshole From Alberta steps forward and stares at Flip.
Violence: Just in case you missed it, I sent your butt buddy, Jumpstart, into RETIREMENT last season.
Flip: So what? What do you really want here, Violence?
Violence: What do I really want? I don’t know… maybe I’m just bored and I’m trying to pick my target for Season 6.
Flip: If you think I’m going to be anyone’s “target,” then you are DUMB as you are UGLY. I’m back with ONE GOAL… the Pure Gold Championship!
The Gold Strike 26 attendees let out a loud cheer that can be heard from back inside the main arena.
With an angry face, the mohawked wrestler steps back. His demeanor changes, and he returns a malformed smile back at Flip Costa.
Violence: Haha… good luck with that, Flip. I’ll be keeping close tabs on your progress and maybe doing whatever I can to help.
With a grunt, Violence bumps shoulders with Flip and walks off. Flip turns his head and produces a concerned face to himself.
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Gold Strike 26 returns inside the main arena of FedExForum for the show’s main event. A large camera pan shows the sellout crowd, a far cry from the nearly empty stadium of Gold Strike 1 several seasons prior.
The transmission then switches to a two-shot of GPW’s venerable announcer duo.
Rudy Mac: DeShawn, you really have to appreciate how far Golden Pro Wrestling has come! When we started this adventure, we barely filled out the bottom level, but NOW look! Another sellout!
DeShawn: Who would have thought that a young, handsome, intelligent-
Rudy Mac: No need to suck up to Commissioner Meloche!
DeShawn: I was talking about myself! A young, handsome, intelligent color commentator whipped the city of Memphis into a frenzy and now drives tens of thousands of ticket sales!
Rudy Mac: DeShawn! You are only a minor part in what has proven to be an ongoing, dramatic, well-written and well-designed creative endeavor!
Suddenly, the culturally conscious “Chained to the Rhythm” by Katy Perry begins to play through the speaker system. The melodic, supposedly enlightened vocals elicit the usual reaction.
BOO!!!
Awoke clomps out from backstage holding a sign that reads “SILVER KILLS FISH” and showing off his standard judgmental scowl.
DeShawn: What does THAT sign mean!?
Rudy Mac: I believe tonight he is protesting the toxic nature of silver metal upon aquatic life and making an ironic statement about tonight’s Silver Championship match!
DeShawn: Seems like a stretch to be a problem for a mid-western regional professional wrestling league!
The San Francisco SJW tosses the sign to the ground and climbs up into the ring.
The music switches over to “Slit Wrist Theory” by 36 Crazyfists, and the crowd goes NUTS!
The Bering Sea Badass, King Crab Mack, walks out from backstage with his signature extra large crabbing hook propped over his shoulder.
Rudy Mac: Perhaps the HARDEST man on the entire roster, King Crab Mack NEVER disappoints when it comes to all-around toughness.
DeShawn: That’s what you get from breathing in salty air and eating crustaceans your entire life!
KCM and Awoke subsequently end up standing face-to-face inside the ring, and finally, “Novacain” by 10 Years starts to pound through the arena speakers.
BOO!!!
Decade emerges from backstage with a deranged look on his face with the Silver Championship strapped around his waist. The crowd’s booing only increases when his doctor and leader of Psych Ward, Dr. Dean, follows.
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: This is interesting! Dr. Dean doesn’t have the Orderlies escorting his patient! He must feel confident with how much control he has over Decade!
DeShawn: Well, THAT’S not good!
Before climbing the steps into the ring, Dr. Dean removes the Silver Championship belt from Decade’s waist. He then makes his way over to the announcer table, and a production assistant hands him a headset and sets up an extra chair.
Dr. Dean: Hello, gentlemen.
Rudy Mac: Dr. Dean! This certainly is a surprise to have you as a special guest commentator!
Dr. Dean: Of course, my good chaps! With my superb wrestling and psychological insights, we will finally have the discourse that our fine community deserves!
DeShawn: Just don’t psycho-analyze me!
Dr. Dean: My dear, DeShawn, I’ve already concluded you’re simply lacking in mental cognition, not stability!
DeShawn: Thank you?
Rudy Mac: Dr. Dean, while we have you here, can you give us an update on Decade’s psychological status?
Dr. Dean: It’s perfect! He no longer is in a battle between two separate alter egos. Yes, the possibly more dangerous alter ego has asserted dominance, but under my ongoing supervision, Decade will no longer be a torn mind and soul.
Rudy Mac: I can’t possibly see how that’s a good thing!
Dr. Dean: My job is to heal the mind, and Decade’s affliction was a classic multiple-personality disorder. He now only has one personality! How is that not a stunning success of modern psychological medicine!?
DeShawn: He has a point, Rudy!
Dr. Dean: And if you didn’t notice, Decade is now so mentally calibrated that I no longer need the Orderlies to escort him outside of the Greater Memphis Psychiatric Institute!
Rudy Mac: I suppose that’s true!
Back inside the ring, Awoke, KCM and Decade eye each other, and begin to circle one another. The bell rings, triggering a cheer from the Gold Strike 26 attendees.
Rudy Mac: The first main event of Season Six is underway!
The action kicks off with Awoke taking a run at King Crab Mack, who sidesteps and throws Awoke toward the ropes. Before Awoke returns, KCM attempts to level Decade.
Decade deftly makes a sidestep of his own and then dropkicks KCM in the back to the ground.
Dr. Dean: Huzzah, a good start!
However, Decade turns around and is met with a CLOBBERING clothesline from Awoke. Awoke then picks Decade up under his arm and delivers a massive side-walk slam.
1… 2… NO!!!
King Crab Mack breaks up the count, which prompts some excitement from the fans, and he then begins to dish out alternating stomps on the backs of Decade and Awoke.
Rudy Mac: It’s an erratic start for these three wrestlers. Just the chaos that happens in a TRIPLE THREAT match!
Decade is picked up by KCM over his shoulder and then RAMMED into the turnbuckle. When the Bering Sea Badass turns around, he’s met with a stiff shoulder block from Awoke, which knocks him to the ground.
Dr. Dean: This chaos is only emblematic of the previous turmoil within my patient’s mind! But, just as Decade overcame that turbulence, he will overcome this!
Indeed, the current Silver Champion gets to his feet and runs up to Awoke, and plants the blue-haired oaf with a bulldog.
Decade then goes after King Crab Mack and ultimately wrangles him and pulls off a German Suplex pin attempt.
1… 2… NO!!!
Dr. Dean: Nice try, my boy!
Things carry on over the next several minutes with alternating attacks and disruptions. Awoke gains the next advantage and drops a thunderous leg over King Crab Mack’s prone body.
Rudy Mac: Awoke is starting to gain momentum here!
The San Francisco SJW then gets ahold of Decade in the middle of the ring and lifts him up.
CANCELLED!!!
Rudy Mac: The biggest Samoan Drop in the game!
1… 2… … NO!!!
Decade kicks out at the last moment, but only in time for King Crab Mack to grab hold of Awoke. With the current Silver Champion on the mat, KCM shows off his massive strength and picks up Awoke into a horizontal position.
DeShawn: I have a feeling King Crab Mack just caught a crustacean!
The Bering Sea Badass jumps and delivers his signature backbreaker.
THE FULL POT!!!
1… 2… … NO!!!
Rudy Mac: Say what you will about Awoke, but he’s no push-over in the squared circle!
Dr. Dean: While I agree with you, Mr. Mclintock, his liberal thought patterns are considered a mental disease by most. I am keenly interested in potentially helping him.
The match continues to excitingly move along. After a couple more minutes, Decade finds himself mid-ring with both KCM and Awoke in headlocks. The crowd gives an impressed pop when Decade hits a double DDT on the two competitors.
Dr. Dean: Multi-tasking! A new milestone for my star patient!
Decade then picks KCM up into the air and hits an inverted suplex.
A PERFECT 10!!!
Not wasting another moment, he collects Awoke off the mat and scores another inverted suplex.
A PERFECT 10!!!
Dr. Dean: Bravo!
Rudy Mac: Decade might have the final advantage!
Decade lays himself over Awoke’s body while KCM stirs on the mat.
1… 2… … … 3!!!
Rudy Mac: There it is! Decade outshines King Crab Mack and Awoke to RETAIN the Silver Championship!
Dr. Dean: And it was clean, mind you! Now I must go to check on dear Decade. Thank you for the lively discussion!
Decade gets to his feet, and the referee raises his arm.
BOO!!!
Dr. Dean climbs into the ring and straps the Silver Championship belt around Decade’s waist. Sporting his deranged face, Decade barely notices Dr. Dean and the belt now around his midsection.
Winner and STILL Silver Champion:
Decade via A Perfect 10
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Inside the ring, the fans boo while Dr. Dean proudly points to Decade.
Rudy Mac: Dr. Dean may say that Decade is a ‘cured’ man, but I don’t think that’s accurate!
Indeed, Decade’s eyes twitch, and his lips struggle to form a smile.
DeShawn: Decade looks like my first wife in our wedding photo!
Awoke groggily sits up, shakes his head, and slams his hands down to the mat in frustration. Dr. Dean can be heard encouraging Awoke to leave the ring if he “knew what was good for him.”
Rudy Mac: Oh no, DeShawn! Something might be brewing here!
The blue-haired oaf obliges Dr. Dean and leaves the ring. Meanwhile, King Crab Mack rises to his feet and slowly approaches Dr. Dean and Decade.
DeShawn: Sure, Decade won clean, but it doesn’t erase the fact that KCM and the Psych Ward have been going back-and-forth since Season Five!
Dr. Dean grins as King Crab Mack approaches them and beckons him to come forth. And, while KCM focuses on Dr. Dean, the crowd begins to scream when they see Sicko slither out from under the ring with a chair in his hand.
Rudy Mac: Sicko! Sicko! Sicko!
DeShawn: He was under the ring the whole time!
Sicko creepily climbs into the ring and rises behind King Crab Mack, all while the fans continue to shout warnings to their favorite Bering Sea Badass.
Rudy Mac: Watch out, King Crab Mack!
Decade stands behind Dr. Dean and watches while the leader of the Psych Ward encourages KCM to turn around. King Crab Mack snarls one lip and looks behind him.
SMACK!!!
Rudy Mac: Chair shot from Sicko!
BOO!!!
Sicko continues to whale away on KCM’s back with the chair.
SMACK!!! SMACK!!! SMACK!!!
Suddenly, the fans erupt in more wails of concern as the Orderlies and Abel Unstable walk out from backstage and hurriedly make their way down to the ring.
Rudy Mac: Oh great! Now we’ve got all of the Psych Ward down here, and King Crab Mack is completely by himself!
BOO!!!
Inside the ring, Sicko takes a few steps back from King Crab Mack’s prone body. The Orderlies step forward and pick KCM up into a two-man powerbomb.
BACK IN YOUR CELL!!!
DeShawn: I can’t look!
Rudy Mac: DeShawn! It’s what you’re paid to do!
DeShawn: Fine, but just with one squinty eye through two split fingers!
The Gold Strike 26 attendees continue cry out as Abel Unstable lifts King Crab Mack into a tombstone piledriver.
THE UNSTABILIZER!!!
BOO!!!
Rudy Mac: I think that the fans might lose their voices after this!
As a final measure of cruelty, Dr. Dean commands Sicko to finish King Crab Mack off, and his most twisted mental patient picks King Crab Mack up off the floor with a sadistic face.
He pushes King Crab Mack’s head between his legs, underhooks both of his arms, jumps and NAILS a facebuster onto the chair he brought into the ring.
THE LOOSE SCREW ONTO A CHAIR!!!
Rudy Mac: HOGWASH!
The entire roster of the Psych Ward circles King Crab Mack and looks down. Dr. Dean begins talking to his group and pointing to the now unconscious Bering Sea Badass.
BOO!!!
The ongoing boos suddenly turn to excited cheers as two wrestlers come sprinting out from backstage and down the ramp.
Rudy Mac: Whoa! Raft Daddy and Crosscheck Beck are coming to King Crab Mack’s aid!
DeShawn: Those are two STAND UP DUDES!
Raft Daddy and Crosscheck Beck jump into the ring and immediately go after the Psych Ward.
The Orderlies step forward to present the first line of defense, but Raft Daddy nails Orderly Caruso with a knee to the stomach and then picks him up and delivers a fallaway slam over the ropes and out of the ring.
GO WITH THE FLOW!!!
Meanwhile, Crosscheck Beck delivers a jumping vertical suplex on Orderly Summers that bounces him off the mat. The tall orderly rolls away, under the ropes and out of the ring from the impact.
MAJOR PENALTY!!!
The two gather themselves and rush toward Abel Unstable and deliver a double clothesline that flips the gargantuan man backward, over the ropes and onto the ringside floor.
Rudy Mac: Raft Daddy and Crosscheck Beck are CLEARING house!
Dr. Dean shoves Decade forward toward KCM’s two saviors, but he’s met with a double boot to the chest that sends him backwards and over the ropes to join the three former ejected Psych Ward team members.
Rudy Mac: Dr. Dean only has one protector left!
The two heroes then turn their sights toward Sicko and Dr. Dean, but as they walk toward them, Dr. Dean taps Sicko on the shoulders and orders him out of the ring.
Dr. Dean’s twisted mental patient does as he’s commanded and follows Dr. Dean through the ropes and down to ringside where they collect the Orderlies and Abel Unstable.
DeShawn: At least everyone is happy now!
Rudy Mac: Everyone except King Crab Mack! He’s not even moving!
The Psych Ward begins to head up the ramp while Crosscheck Beck and Raft Daddy check on KCM.
Gold Strike 26’s transmission cuts to a close-up of Dr. Dean, who grins and taps together his fingers in satisfaction.
Rudy Mac: Chaos appears to reign at the start of Golden Pro Wrestling’s Season Six! That’s all for Gold Strike 26! GOOD NIGHT!
The transmission continues to focus on Dr. Dean’s face, and the feed fades to black…
All illustrations from the talented David G.