Cruising Speed

The jackass airline pilots get more serious about wrestling.

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen,” said United Airlines Captain John Cunningham. “We’re at about 35,000 feet and traveling 575 miles per hour. We’re going to be in the air a few more hours here on our way to Seattle, so please sit back, enjoy a book or watch some Netflix on your phones.”

John looked over to his co-pilot and tag team wrestling partner, Captain Derek McDonnell. Derek was mimicking masturbation at him and rolling his eyes in boredom.

“Okay, Derek, I get it. We can’t pull as much bullshit here at United Airlines as we did with Spirit. It’s just the way it is right now.”

The two disgraced former fighter pilots had been passenger airline pilots for Spirit Airlines until the company’s recent closure. In scrambling for employment, they were able to quickly get hired by United Airlines, but they had found that management wasn’t relaxed when it came to their antics.

“John, we wouldn’t even need this job if we were a bit more successful in Golden Pro Wrestling. We get the tag team championships? We could start earning some more cash and stop always wondering what time zone we’re in.”

The two men stared quietly through their aviator sunglasses out across the view of clouds and blue sky.

“Beating the Wild Kards at the last show was a good start, but we need to keep winning if we want a title shot,” John replied.

“Let’s just keep focused, win those belts, and stop flying city-to-city. Maybe a cush regional private pilot gig.”

The two wrestlers checked various cockpit controls and remained silent the entire rest of the flight. They had a renewed focus and were now determined to ascend the Golden Pro Wrestling tag team ladder.

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